Ok, so I have been thinking of the title for this article for a while. If you look closely, it says “5 of the worst 80s commercials” and not “The 5 worst 80s commercials”. This is because I spent at least 3 hours trying to watch as many 80s commercials as I could, and they are all so bad that it’s really hard to decide. Here are the ones that definitely stood up, and if I’m honest made me laugh out loud. If you know of any other 80s ads that should be on this list email me and we can see whether they can enter the top 5.
1. Observation number one: it’s intrinsically perverted how the kid is looking at the sexy woman wishing to become the perfect sculpted macho man to chat her up. The problem is, we know there are many men out there that still believe big muscles is a way to woman’s heart, but is milk really a solution?
Observation number two: milk is now universally hated and condemned, I am confident that this commercial would ignite a wave of vegan protests to save the cows.
2. Apart from seeing Joey from Friends as a teenager, the best part of this commercial is the song so if you are at the office pretending you are working make sure to use some headphones. We think you might want to sing this on a charade to court a gorgeus woman – so here’s the chorus for you:
“Cherry Sevenup / Can’t get enough / Isn’t it so goooooood…./
3. “Fighting tartar with a regular toothpaste is like trying to dig a hole to China. With a teaspoon.” Luckily for humanity, the Chinese guru in this commercial recite the words of famous Colgate Wisdom Tooth, some god-like entity that know what we should do with our tartar. Oh my. I need a drink after trying to explain this.
4. Should I put the period commercial on the list or not? Yes, I should. The opening sentence of Maxithins commercial goes like this: “There’s no such thing as an ordinary day when you have your period” followed but the protagonist trying to 1. Fit in her own clothes 2. Zip her overloaded suitcases 3. Fit in the car. Even the car is too small for a woman on her period. Everything is accompagnied by a tensed and stressful music theme. Surely when a woman is a bit bloated her whole world must fall apart. Surely being a woman just sucks altogether… ERM, LOL, NO!
5. Another totally creepy commercial. The whole “Doublemint/Double pleasure” ambiguous concept is made even more weird by the twin hot girls and twin hot boys combo and the slogan at the end “Double your pleasure” makes it all explicit – in case of any doubt. The song, which sounds like a cartoon theme, adds another layer of weirdness – Mumble mumble, has the creator taken LSD as well or was he just a lot into group (preferably homozygote twins of all genders) sexual activities?